Nobody deserves being rejected. First off, the world is cruel enough. And second, there’s a fair share of karma involved in it. If you ever reject someone, the chances are the same thing will come to you as a boomerang when you least expect it. In a parallel reality, everyone would have a reciprocal “It’s a match!”
But being told ‘sorry’ by your love interest is surely much more complex than that. And the best way to take a glimpse into humanity’s hurt souls is to look at what people have to say themselves.
So when Twitter user Eden Dranger posed the question “What was your harshest rejection?” it resonated with many, amassing 4,173 retweets and 67.6K likes.
So let’s get ready for a brutal, yet sometimes funny, other times plain odd, roller coaster ride featuring the stories of rejection as told by the ones who know what they’re saying.
This post may include affiliate links.
“At its worst, it can cause extreme feelings of worthlessness and even depression. It can cause the person to withdraw from relationships and to stay alone. Or, to feel not good enough and low self-esteem.”
Meanwhile, people with healthy self-esteem and confidence, are usually mildly affected. This is “because they have a solid sense of self-worth already,” Kate explained.
When asked about the ways to deal with being rejected, Kate suggested working on your self-esteem and understanding that it’s nothing to do with you, and usually, it’s not personal.
“Try to feel grateful, because the one thing worse than being rejected is to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn’t really love you. That is rejection on a daily basis, and causes extreme loneliness.”
Whatever people say, rejection hurts. Bottom line. It doesn’t matter which point of a relationship you’re at—being told “I am sorry, but” is something none of us want to hear. Emotional responses by anyone who’s experienced it are confirmed by researchers, and they range from feeling jealous to anxious and lonely.
But since rejection has a lot to do with self-worth and self-image, oftentimes the pain of it is directly linked to how you validate yourself. Often people look for external and not internal forces to feel validated, which makes them vulnerable to setbacks. What if we simply haven’t learned to love ourselves enough?
Being rejected by someone you love can really turn even the strongest of us into emotional train wrecks. But in many cases, we tend to idealize both the person and the relationship, as we only remember good times and emotions.
Such behavior is usually unconscious, but it nevertheless doesn’t show the full picture of what you really feel hurt about.
Interestingly, friendship rejections can often be even more painful than romantic ones. Beverly Flaxington, a life and career coach, says to remember that while a friendship’s end can be painful, it’s also normal for friends to come and go.
On the other hand, if you still feel like you’re missing that person and that friendship in your life, Lexington suggests “reaching out to see if the person wants to get together.” In fact, timing may be crucial as it gives a whole new perspective of the friendship and the people we surround ourselves with.
After some time has passed and if you find yourself missing that person and that friendship, Flaxington suggests reaching out to see if the person wants to get together. Timing is key here. Time can allow people to approach a friendship with a new perspective, she notes
According to Lori Gottlieb, M.F.T., psychotherapist, “When somebody rejects us, there’s a very primal piece to it, which is that it goes against everything we feel like we need for survival.”
But beyond the evolutionary standpoint, our responses to rejection vary greatly as they really depend on the models in which we develop our relationships with people. Those with insecure attachment styles in contrast to secure ones are likely to experience much greater pain from rejection.